I don’t know about anyone else, but i’ve had such an intense week this week, that’s the clearest way to put it..
I’ve felt feelings of manipulation, i’ve felt feelings of overwhelm, i’ve felt pressured, emotional, confused, but of course too there have been feelings of joy and gratitude.
On the Friday evening of July 26th, I switched off my work iPhone and my personal Nokia and put them away for the weekend. When I was in a relationship with my boyfriend, I spent near to every weekend with him and his daughter, but since my boyfriend and I split in April of this year, I am not part of a friendship group, I don’t have close friends, so I have no reason to have them on.
I found that when I kept my phones on over the weekend, i’d have lots of negative self talk, because no-one was contacting me, i’d feel lonely, forgotten about. So i’m removing that ability for that to happen, it allows me to totally live in the moment, go with the flow and do what I feel to do in the moment and most important focus on me!
When I got to my work iPhone on Monday morning, I had a text from Barclays to say I was overdrawn.. *eye roll emoji* sums up how I was feeling..
This was the start to my feeling of overwhelm, as i’ve been tackling my biggest financial hardship for the past 3 years. If I give it too much attention, I can feel like i’m never going to get out of minus, I can feel like i’m never going to move out of my Mum & Step Dad’s house, then it’ll make me feel like I’ll have no freedom as i’m constantly having to live within other peoples boundaries & rules as such..
That’s how anxiety looks. We fret over things which haven’t even happened yet. It’s insanity really, but it’s real.
How can I stop feeling anxious? Suffering with anxiety?
What helps me when I see, hear, or feel something which makes me feel anxious, I acknowledge it, and I question it, so what I ask myself in that moment, is despite the fact i’m in my overdraft, has anything in my life changed? No. I’m still alive, still breathing, I have food in my belly, clothes on my back, so is there actually something endangering my life? No. Then i’m almost always able to put it to the side and focus on the moment of now. The same applies if you are fretting about something in your past or your future. You can use this same technique.
Make friends with change. Change is inevitable.
This week i’ve had to accept some changes and i’ve had to make some changes. Making decisions can be a really hard thing to do, because you make a decision based on that very moment, and as we know, from moment to moment, our feelings can change. Sometimes we feel liberated other times we feel we’ve made a mistake. Either way, upon reflection, you always learn. You either learn how to do something or how to not do something. You learn what’s important to you and whats not important to you.
Not always Happy Friday…
Friday 14th September 2018 I went and took part in one of the most interrogating, overwhelming, upsetting, soul destroying interviews of my life, when I found myself in an interview room at Hatfield Police Station speaking in defence of my rape case…
The next 7 months felt like a whirlwind, like I was that bit of tumbleweed spinning around at 100mph inside a tornado…
Fast forward to April when my boyfriend and I split, naturally i’ve been in reflection, but also a deep inward self discovery, I went on a 5 day noble silence Buddhist retreat in England, I went on a 4 day Yoga retreat in France and i’ve just started a journey with Reiki therapy.
I am not a Christian, but I remember one time at church I heard these words; “sometimes a wound has cut so deep, it requires specialist attention” I realised alone, I couldn’t heal myself, I needed specialist attention. I saw the below words;
This is where i’m at, i’ve been sticking my hands inside pulling out the root causes of my pain and i’m now having therapy to make peace with them. I am fully trusting in my journey and that everything is happening in my life as it should.
I am so grateful for second chances, thank you <3
I wish you love and light, health & healing, thank you for reading,
Love Louise x
Stress Less Relax To The Max Ltd