What I have come to realise in life is that, sometimes, we do have to do things that we do not want to do, but it’s down to us to realise, whether it is to work towards something worthy. Let me give you an example…
In England where I live in Hertfordshire, if you want to be able to drive a car on public roads, legally you have to have a license. To get a license you have to pass 2 tests, a theory test and a practical test. I don’t particularly like tests because I feel under pressure, because I know that I am not in control of the outcome, i.e. whether I pass or fail. I actually failed my practical test twice before I finally passed third time lucky.
So what can we learn from failure?
What we first must recognise, is that failure is inevitable if you want to achieve anything new.
Whether it is failing a driving test, or failing to get the job, or failing at making a relationship work, or failing to catch a flight (i’ve failed at all of these by the way) we can always learn something; ‘how not to do something’…
The easiest thing to do when we fail at something, is to blame someone or something else, so easy in fact, it’s too easy, which is why so often we blame others for making us unhappy, or for ruining our life or breaking our heart, or we blame others for making us feel guilty, or that we’re not good enough, or we’re not deserving, we blame something which made us fail the test or not getting the job.
Instead next time, when you fail at something, why not ask yourself “what did I do to make me fail at this?” and “what can I learn from failing at this?”
5 years ago, it was early 2015 and my relationship came to an end. I was in a relationship with ‘my childhood sweetheart’. I’d know this guy since I was 14, he was the guy who’s initials I doodled on all of my school planners. We went out together and he was my first boyfriend at 14 years old, it was fun but there wasn’t much more to it, we were young.
Over the years he’d pop up in my life somehow and thats exactly what happened in 2013.
In 2013, 22 years old, I was in a relationship with someone completely different and that didn’t work out and low and behold, my childhood sweetheart came back into my life. I told myself “it’s meant to be” it’s fate, after 8 years without each other, we’ve reconnected, “it’s meant to be”. We kinda ran with it this time, travelled to Asia together and moved in with each other. I was working in central London earning the most money i’d ever earned (£30k a year for the interested ones) i’d gotten myself a little convertible mini cooper and I thought I was set for life, I felt like, i’m doing all what society teaches us, the boyfriend, the job, the car, the boyfriend, so what’s next?
A break up of course, after all, this is life…
So that’s what happened in 2015.. I lay on a blow up sofa in Devon or Dorset, I never know, but that’s kinda part of the mystery to my story. I could feel the warm sun on my skin and I just gaze watching the clouds, the planes, looking into the blue sky. I asked myself “what now?” I had all that I thought I was supposed to have and now i’ve literally lost it all. I moved out of the house we lived at, I had moved in with my Mum and Step Dad at 24, really? “What now?” I thought to myself, if I get another job, oh because I also lost my job at the same time, I thought to myself, if I get another job doing what I was doing, i’ll just get into another relationship and i’m wondering, is this really all there is to life? Theres got to be something more to life, I feel it, I crave it.
So that was it, decision made, although I was never the type to pack 1 bag to live out of and book a 1 way flight, that’s what I did. All the way to Australia.
What i’ve learned from them all is just life experience and how not to do things again, in my life anyway, because for sure everyones life is different and it’s never for me to comment how you should live your life.
So what is the moral of the story?
1 thing I will say, is if you do not feel like you are fulfilled at the end of the day, what you do doesn’t give you warmth in your heart and joy in your belly and you find yourself drinking alcohol or taking drugs or eating excessive amounts of food to try and fill that void, you need to ask yourself the question, “is what i’m working towards worthy?” Yes, we do sometimes have to do things in life we do not want to do- like work, but if you can find what you love, I promise you, that you will never work a day in your life. Moreover, if you are not in a relationship with someone who you trust, or who you can talk to, open up to, if you are not in a relationship with someone who brings out the best in you and who you bring out the best in them and if you do not feel like you are wanted and if you feel like your love is not equal, i.e. you feel like you put in more than they put in, you may also want to ask yourself the question, “is what i’m working towards worthy?”
I am no relationship guru, or life coach, but 1 thing I do have, is a lot of life experience, I try new things, I fail, I fight, I fall, I cry and then I get my ass back up again and I carry on.
Who would have thought that 5 years on from the breakup, from the job loss, from the year in Australia that i’d still be living with my Mum and Step Dad? Really?! But who also thought i’d be running my own Mental Health business, teaching Meditation & Yoga?
If I can say 1 more thing, if they were the last words I could utter to my one day children, I would say “Look inside of you, everything you need is within you” and just as Michael Jackson said it “if you want to make the world a better place, take a look at yourself and make a change”
Stress Less Relax To the Max Ltd