Did you feel lost during lockdown?

I know I did .. 

On 12th March 2020, (little did I know back then), but I taught my last in person meditation class to date. . . I had developed a cough and didn’t feel well in myself at all .. I called the healthline and was advised to self isolate for 1 week … 

Come 23rd March as I was to turn 29, I planned to take my clients out to celebrate .. but Boris had other plans “Stay home, save lives” he said .. and with that, my income stopped overnight… 

A quote comes to mind “Man plans, God laughs”

Are you the kind of person who doesn’t let yourself relax? Feel like you’ve always got to be doing something? Do you feel guilty if you’re not doing something? Do you ever just say “I’m just one of those people who can’t relax”?

Meditation eases my anxiety and calms down my anger, it helps me to live in the present moment and be able to get out of my head when my thoughts consume me. Meditation helps me to be kinder to myself and to others, it helps me to be my own best friend and rid any “lonely” feelings I once had, Meditation helps me to feel loved and to be at one with myself, but one feeling I’ve always struggled to shift, is that squirming feeling in my body, that I should be “doing” something .. 

Lockdown showed me how to do, just that.. “Dolce Far Niente”‘the sweetness of doing nothing’… Here’s a clip from ‘Eat, Pray, Love’ one of my favourite movies, explaining the sweetness of doing nothing…

I am forever grateful for the break, grateful for the time to stop, but so immensely grateful, that someone with power, stopped me from having to do anything. . There were no excuses.. I was locked down with my boyfriend and his brother who were both high risk … It was time to Relax…..

20 weeks was my lockdown.. No business, no income… Part of me felt helpless..

It was time to digest LIFE and to reflect on my life and to heal from my life, once and for all and for that, I am eternally grateful. 

Lockdown was also the end of my relationship and my time in our flat… Although I wanted to stay, I was turned down by the Lettings agency because I was told “we will have to run another credit check on you and you don’t earn enough” she said .. I told her, this pandemic has taught us all to find a new normal. . 

“Man plans and God laughs” I said earlier, it’s my new mantra for living in the moment… “Mindfulness is the extremely difficult art of leaving the past and the future alone” – Mokokoma Mokhonana

But more about that squirming.. It was time to face that feeling head on… Meditation gives me the space to look inside of myself, I had this epiphany with my counsellor, “Stress Less, Relax To The Max” I said .. it’s kind of ironic isn’t it? Says the girl who can’t even relax herself… 

Meditation helps us to face life head on, not running away from our problems, but noticing them and address them, I think Meditation is a very brave thing to do.

So here’s my new normal .. I got the flat .. I got a job, I relaunched my business online, I got a new dress and I got a new hair cut too…

One thing about me, that’s never changed, is I always get what I want, you know why? Because I work for it. Not because i’m an aries, but because I believe “You get what you work for”…. It all starts with a dream..




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